OnePhatMan

My knee, after that last little bit of pain I wrote about last time, continues to be pain-free as I continue to stay off the elliptical. I did a five mile hike over the weekend (and have a couple of pics below) with no problems, save feeling funny about my bright yellow shoes. I’ve also been doing three to four miles a day walking outside (until today) with no problems.

I started back with the weights again today, using much heavier ones than when I tried a couple of weeks ago. My shoulder’s the slightest bit sore right now, but certainly tolerable. If this is as bad as it gets, I can live with it. Friday will be the big test, when I train my chest and biceps; those two should put significant forces on my shoulder. Today was back and triceps; I thought splitting body parts this way would give me better workouts.

Let us hope I can get back to a normal lifting routine, because I’m missing the iron.

Most large people got that way for a single, specific reason: they consumed more calories than they expended, over time. They either ate too much, moved too little, or both.

Being big carries with it all sorts of baggage, and that baggage often manifests itself in pain, of both the mental and physical varieties. Mental pain can include anguish over things like not being able to shop in the “normal” section of the clothing store, finding that you no longer fit in amusement park rides, or the looks of disgust you get (or imagine you get) from strangers. Physical pain from being fat comes from sources like your waist, because your pants are too tight; from your gut, which presses painfully into the table at any booth; from your chest, where your heart is pounding madly after you walked up a flight of stairs.

Overweight people know all about pain.

With pain can come anger, too. Anger at an uncaring world for being so discriminatory, anger at your family for all the “helpful” comments that cut to the bone, and most of all anger with yourself for letting yourself go to crap. That anger sits down deep and it burns with a heat like no other, and in many (most) cases leads to diminished self-esteem, unsociable behavior, and self-loathing.

Fat people know all about anger and hatred of self.

I know a secret, though.

You don’t have to do it any more if you don’t want to. All you have to do is–are you ready for this?–let it go.

Forgive yourself.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what you did to get this way. It doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible for the actions you took to get here. It means you acknowledge that you’re not perfect, that you make (and have made, and probably will continue to make from time to time) mistakes, and that you choose to love yourself and let them go.

Regardless.

What you did in the past, though it might have made you the person you are today, has absolutely no bearing on what you do in the future.

Unless you let it, by sticking with the guilt, and shame, and blame, and anger, and hatred. While you’re at it, toss out the “would’ves”, the “could’ves”, and the “should’ves”, because they’re just extra baggage weighing you down.

Forgive yourself. Let it go, and realize you’ve made mistakes. Accept yourself as what you were and as what you are, then resolve to have a different set of standards for yourself.

Remember, you create your own reality, and you can make it whatever you want. Why not make it a good one?

This is what you’re missing if you’re not outside.

As well as this.